it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
