I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
