You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
