just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
