I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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