just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Randomize
