This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
