Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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