i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
