used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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