I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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