Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
