Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
