sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
