How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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