how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
