I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize