tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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