you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
