Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize