my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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