i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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