i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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