You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
