Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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