"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
