It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
