Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
