But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
