we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
