The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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