what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
