well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
