Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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