Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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