I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
