do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
