Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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