Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
