i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Randomize
