My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
