I'm really into asian looking animals
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize