Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
