i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
