after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
