Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
not ubering you a puppy
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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