She said her name was "party"
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
