i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
