ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
