update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
