the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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