you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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