if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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