I wish I could punch you in the face.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
