the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
