he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
