Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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