Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
