will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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