so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
there is glitter all over my balls
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
