My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
