hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
