As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize