Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize