I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
