i don't like sucking hair
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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