I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
