If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
